Conjecture
by ViviTheFolle
Summary: Inspired by that adorable scene in the DW episode "Let's kill Hitler". Voldemort died early. It's picnic time at the Burrow!


"Picnic! Picnic, picnic, picnic!" chanted Ginny as she swung the picnic basket about, running through the yard among clucking chickens, to reach the hill on which a single tree stood proudly to mark the beginning of the Burrow's orchard.

"Oi, watch out with that, you're going to mess all the food up!" Ron called while his little sister ignored him, preferring to check for the spot where there was the most shade; because when you're a redhead, you quickly learn that skin is a very, very sensitive organ that burns faster than you can say "Quidditch".

"It's one of our Stabilizing Baskets, genius, not even an earthquake would mess up the inside", Fred bragged as he plopped down in the grass.

Ron merely grunted as he sat down and made sure the contents of the basket hadn't been spoiled by his sister's enthusiasm. Meanwhile, Harry gave Ginny a peck on the lips, to the great dismay of the twins who made disgusted faces, while Hermione sighed and rolled her eyes.

Ron took out his bacon sandwich, smacking his lips in triumph, before handing Hermione her own chicken-and-salad one, then passing the basket to Fred and George while Harry and Ginny proceeded to deepen their kiss.

"How much longer do you think they'll last?" Fred cheekily asked Hermione, who scowled at him.

"Five Galleons I finish this before they stop snogging", George claimed as he picked up a rather generous-looking mustard sandwich.

"Right-o", Fred laughed while George attempted to gobble down his snack as quickly as he could. Hermione looked on disapprovingly while Ron suppressed a chuckle.

"I could show you how it's done", he remarked to his older brother with a slight smirk. Hermione then focused her glare on him, so he busied himself with his bacon instead.

A few long seconds went by before Ginny and Harry finally separated, Fred giving a cheer as this meant he was five Galleons richer… and then the couple went right back to where they'd stopped, their lips parted so wide they looked like they were practicing mouth-to-mouth.

"Oi, just rub it in everyone's face, don't you?" Ron called good-naturedly, but with a little edge to his voice.

As usual, it was his innocuous comment that drew Hermione's ire. "Oh, stop it, Ron! They're not doing it to spite you, they're doing it because they can! Just because you haven't found someone yet doesn't mean…"

Bewildered and hurt by Hermione's sudden aggressiveness, Ron reacted the only way he knew: by contradicting her loudly. And just like that they were back to their usual game of cat-and-mouse, only nobody knew who was the cat and who was the mouse anymore.

Ron and Hermione had both been pining for each other since the end of their second year, but Ron's tentative attempts to win Hermione's heart hadn't gone further than his one supreme last-ditch effort he'd made in fifth year by buying her perfume; he'd then made an attempt to get over her by dating Lavender Brown – which had gone as well as expected, with Hermione spitting in outrage and icing him out for several months while Harry and Ginny grew closer and eventually began to date – Ron eventually broke up with his clingy girlfriend, and now that the two lovebirds were single and back at the Burrow for the summer before seventh year, every Weasley (including Harry) had been waiting for the cat to catch the mouse, or rather, for them to finally realize that they loved one another and stop driving everyone mad with the overflowing sexual tension.

Today didn't seem like it would be that day… until one Weasley man decided he'd had enough and that it was time to break the status quo.

"That's it, I can't take this anymore. Out with it already!" George exclaimed, throwing his hands skyward in exasperation and launching a bit of mustard in the air. "Aren't you two ever gonna get it together? Or do you enjoy getting blue balls that much, little brother?"

Ron produced a strangled squeak that indicated a piece of his sandwich had not gone down the intended path. His face suddenly flushing, however, might have been due to another thing entirely.

"What are you talking about?" Hermione asked in bewilderment.

"Don't play innocent!" Ginny said, finally coming up for air and leaving a dazed-looking Harry in her wake. "You'd have to be blind and deaf… and braindead, to miss your… the… _thing_ you two have. We've been waiting for it to happen for years!"

Hermione blinked several times while Ron seemed to shrink on himself, clutching his sandwich to his chest as if it were a shield. Exasperated, Ginny waved her hand in their general direction, pointing out the way they were sitting, close to each other, close enough for Ron's knee to brush Hermione's thigh when one of them reached for the picnic basket.

Hermione looked at Ron who was still staring at his sandwich as if hoping it would come to life and eat him. "Me and Ron…?" She smiled ruefully. "No, we're not… it's just a lasting, very good friendship, right Ron?" She nudged him with her elbow.

The tall redhead gave a choked, almost hysterical laugh. "Yeah! Yeah, friendship, that is! Bloody long, bloody good friendship! Of course!"

The Weasley siblings had various appalled expressions on their faces, either baffled by Ron's pathetic attempt at denying his seven-year-long crush on Hermione, or by how said pathetic denial actually _fooled_ her, who was supposed to be one of the cleverest witches of her generation.

For his part, Harry just wanted to go back to snogging Ginny, but he decided to have mercy on his poor lovesick best mate. "Hermione, you're not going to tell me you've never seen Ron as… more?" he tried.

Hermione's cheeks pinked as she twirled one of her bushy locks around a finger and looked away from Ron – who had seemingly forgotten all about his sandwich and was looking at her in a manner that could only be described as desperate.

"Well, of course I've thought about it!" the brown-haired girl said, causing a surge of delight among the redheaded siblings – except for one who emitted a strangled gasp. "I mean, he is great! He's my best friend, my favourite boy since I was eleven, he's funny, cute, kind, and sweet… he can be a prat sometimes but that's part of his charm, you know?" She put an arm around the shoulders of an about-to-spontaneously-combust Ron, whose gaze had shifted from desperate longing to terrified hope. "Really, Ron's pretty much my dream guy!"

Hermione turned her smiling face to Ron, managing to somehow entirely miss his flabbergasted expression. Nobody dared to move for fear of ruining the entire love confession that was sure to come out any second now…

Until Hermione withdrew her arm from his shoulders and turned back to Harry. "But it's not going to happen."

Ron looked like he might burst into tears.

"Yeah. It's not." To his credit, the lovesick boy kept his voice surprisingly steady.

"I mean, it's obvious, right? Ron would be the perfect one for me, except for the fact that he's…"

"… just a friend", Ron muttered mournfully, resuming the staring contest with his sandwich.

"… gay", Hermione concluded at the exact same moment.

A stunned silence followed this declaration. Even the chickens in the yard had shut up.

No one, however, was more bewildered than Ron himself. "What?" he managed to croak after what might have been several tries.

Hermione turned back to him, still completely oblivious to the enormity of her misjudgement. "You're gay", she said simply.

Ron blinked. "No. No I'm not."

"Yes you are", she insisted.

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Look, Hermione, I think I'd be the first to know if I were gay, alright?" Ron countered, the bickering giving him back some of his fighting spirit. "Plus I went out with Lavender." He took a triumphant bite of his sandwich.

"Oh, please, you wouldn't be the first gay man to get into a heterosexual relationship in an attempt to deny your sexuality", Hermione said knowingly while the assistance exchanged doom-laden expressions. "And that was not a relationship, and you know it. She kept complaining that you never wanted to go further and you practically ran away the day she tried to get you to put out!"

Fred looked at his little brother in total disbelief. "A girl _wants_ you to put out and you _run away_? You could have gotten lucky and you just… what the fuck, Ronniekins?"

George, for his part, gave an awed whistle. "Blimey, that's commitment if I ever saw it."

Harry merely tried to pretend he wasn't there.

Ginny just cried out "Oh please no, no talking about our sex lives, please!"

As for Ron, dear old Ron, his face was nothing but anguished horror at the revelation that one, his big brothers now knew he was still a virgin; two, apparently his little sister had done it before him and this was doing nothing good to his already battered self-esteem; and three… oh, no big deal, just that the girl he'd been madly in love with for about five years now thought he was of incompatible orientation.

But Hermione still thought she had not driven the point home. "Of course, in hindsight, it was obvious ever since the Yule Ball."

This got everyone's attention. Fred looked like he was getting ready to hear the greatest joke of his life (and in a way, it was); George's was torn between disbelief and concern for his little brother's already weakened heart; Harry had the resigned expression of one awaiting for the unavoidable collision between two speeding trains; and Ginny's mouth dropped as she realized where Hermione was going with this.

Everyone still remembered the youngest Weasley brother's jealous fit at the soirée, which had led to him sulking (and, to Harry's discretion, crying himself to sleep) in the dormitory while Hermione salvaged the last of her evening by kissing the international Quidditch star named Viktor Krum, who incidentally happened to be Ron's role model, idol, and probably celebrity crush as well.

Right now, Ron was almost choking on his own throat. "T-the Bule Yall? Why, how, what –"

"Come off it!" said Hermione, sounding annoyed now. "You couldn't take your eyes off him during the whole evening and you were so jealous of me, you could have seen it from space! Viktor Krum! Your dear own Vicky! It was so obvious! Right, guys?" she added bitterly, turning to their mutual friends for support.

However, instead of support, she found Fred's constipated expression as he desperately tried to hold in his laughter; George shaking his head slowly in pure disbelief; Harry looking simply blasé by the whole thing, and Ginny with her hands clapped over her mouth.

"… Right?" the bushy-haired girl repeated, turning to her best friend and finally taking the time to notice his expression.

Ron's freckles stood out sharply from his face, which had gone whiter than alabaster. His blue eyes were widened in some mix of horror, disbelief and soul-crushing despair, and were even starting to glisten alarmingly. He blinked a few times, seemed to try to say something, managed some sort of strangled "I…" sound, imperceptibly shook his head… and then he shot up in the air, uncrossing his legs, letting his unfinished sandwich fall in the grass, before bolting away from the picnic to disappear in the Burrow's orchard.

Hermione blinked.

And blinked again.

And again.

This wasn't adding up. Unless he'd been planning to come out and she'd ruined his plan, maybe? No, he'd have been relieved... had she been in his place, anyway, she would have been relieved. Right?

A weird high-pitched wheezing snatched her away from her thoughts and she was met with the sight of Fred clutching his stomach. She was going to ask him if he felt well when he let out a howl of laughter as he fell backwards into the grass with the force of his hilarity, even kicking at the air.

She turned to Ginny for more explanations but the Weasley girl seemed utterly flabbergasted.

Actually, Ginny, Harry and George all seemed completely shell-shocked.

Only then did Hermione's brain finally, finally kick into gear.

"Oh my goodness – no –"

Harry nodded slowly.

"But he can't – you mean – Ron – me?!"

Ginny threw her hands to the skies, looking scandalized it had taken her that long. "Yes, you genius!"

"But – how – since when –"

George, once again, finally had enough. "Shut it and go! Go before he throws himself in the pond!"

That seemed to give Hermione an electroshock. "Oh my god, Ron!" she cried as she too jumped to her feet and began running at the speed of a racing horse, as she finally decided to be the cat.

"Just so we're clear, he _did_ have an enormous crush on Viktor Krum in fourth year, right?" Harry pondered out loud.

Ginny snorted. "Oh, he totally did."

Fred merely gave another roar of laughter.

"Well, that's gonna be a fun story to tell their children someday", George said nonchalantly as he picked his mustard sandwich back up. "Oh hey, look at that!"

Hermione's sandwich had landed right over Ron's discarded one.

The four friends looked at the amusing coincidence with fondness.

Until Fred piped up "D'you think they're in the same position right now –"

"NO MORE ABOUT OUR SEX LIVES!" Ginny screamed while Harry choked on his pumpkin juice.


End file.
